Another day of malaise and struggling to find the motivation to do anything.
Don’t get me wrong, this is nowhere near as bad as heavier depression where there is complete apathy and despair but still the feeling of ‘not’ feeling is making me feel lost and a little desperate.
This reenforces the belief that there’s something wrong with me. Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why is what I have never enough?
For all my time looking, I have next to nothing to show for it. I’ve been holding out for something but the joke’s on me.
While other’s have found contentment in their lives, I’m still searching for some.
Why is it never enough? Or am I so afraid to feel the love and joy that I already have within me?
Have I been looking on the outside what I already have within? Can I allow myself to access that?
I need to find a way.