Microdosing: Day 18

Today was the first day where I felt the familiar feeling of despair come back to greet me.

It could have been that second pot of coffee in the afternoon or that I seemed to have hit a wall with my work production but something changed and I needed to shift gears.

I went to the grocery store; I figured a walk outside would be helpful but this lingering feeling followed me home.

I would try to meditate, focus on my breathing, and do some Wim Hof breathing, but the weight was too much and I couldn’t find the willpower to keep it up.

My energy sapped, I lay down on the floor for several minutes in a state of near sleep. I needed to rest.

After about 20-30 minutes, I began to pay attention to my body. I started to focus more on the reality of my body than anything else, and this seemed to help.

Before I knew it, I was up and motivated to lock horns with my work problem.

Sometimes the feeling of not accomplishing anything can be defeating, or maybe it was that second cup of coffee.

Ultimately, this was a very short episode of despair; usually, it lasts for a full day or more.

The fact that it hit me tells me that my familiar brain chemistry and old thought patterns are still somewhat in place.

The fact that I could recover rather quickly gives me solace.

Sometimes you can give into the feeling but I didn’t lose myself in it for too long. I’m thankful for that.

This experience reenergizes my curiosity to understand better embodiment as a tool for dissolving pain. The aversion to feeling one’s self is the only obstacle to realizing the power of embodiment as a powerful healing tool.

It reminds me of the saying, the only way round is through.

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